Okay God, I See You…

After coming off of a long weekend of working at a Women’s Encounter, I decided it was necessary to sit down with some of that sweet coffee goodness and process all that God did this past weekend. Sometimes I’ll get a subtle “ping” in my soul that tells me I need to spend some quality time with my Maker, so I listened. 

I sat down, opened my Bible, read some verses, and just sat and listened. A lot of times we can be so good at talking to God that we forget to just sit and listen to Him...

The Holy Spirit urged me to go look at some of my old journals… I had no idea why, but delayed obedience is disobedience so I immediately did it. I looked through a few of them — and WOW, it’s crazy to look back and see how far God has brought you. It just goes to show that if God was faithful before, He’ll certainly be faithful again and again. 

I kept looking through journals and I stumbled upon a  cute little floral one that I found after sitting on the floor in Marshall’s for hours sifting through all the journals until I found the perfect one. 

I opened it up and immediately saw what God wanted to show me. 

May 8th, 2017: I was living in a state of stagnancy — three years in the making. Pleading with the Lord for guidance, directions, answers, ANYTHING — but instead, He was silent. He was moving in ways I couldn’t yet see, but nonetheless, He was silent for three years. 

I was working as a preschool teacher — something I loved, but I knew God was calling me to something different, I just didn’t know what that was yet. I was living at home with my parents. I was taking a break from school until I had a clear direction of where God was leading me. Life was okay. 

Life was good but it was stagnant — a place I desperately didn’t want to be. This stagnant season caused me to wrestle through a lot of questions.

Is God even listening? Does He actually hear me? Is this all for nothing? Am I wasting my time? Will my life be this way forever?

If you know me, you know I stress about anything and everything. My momma knows this about me all too well, so she decided that we needed to go on a long weekend girls trip to Destin, FL. 

We didn’t quite know what was in store for us, we just knew we needed to get away and get quiet with the Lord.

(Ps. SHOUTOUT to my momma, she’s too good to me and I’m so thankful for her. And SHOUTOUT to my sweet diddy for being sweet and sending my momma and I on this trip — and for getting us that glorious massage. )

We went to Destin and got some much needed R&R. We talked through life, goals, dreams, and desires. We talked through what I thought God might be calling me to, which was ministry, thanks to this blog. We journaled 1 year, 5 year, and 10 year plans. 

And then we left. 

You see, at the time I didn’t feel like God gave me some crazy revelation or word or direction. I still had a lot of questions left unanswered. I was still wondering if He was even moving or working or listening because I couldn’t see it. 

But after leaving Destin, I felt a strong urge to continue writing for this blog and possibly one day begin writing Bible Studies of my own and create a business out of it. I knew that I would need some direction on how to write Bible Studies and how to run a business so I considered going back to school. 

I continued praying and, quite literally, begging God for answers… And then, the craziest things started happening. After three years of stagnancy and waiting and pleading, everything starting falling together. 

May 26th, 2017: I applied at Liberty University. 

May 30th, 2017: I applied for an apartment. 

June 15th, 2017: I applied for an internship at The Church of Eleven22.

June 21st, 2017: I was accepted into Liberty University. 

June 29th, 2017: I was offered an internship position at The Church of Eleven22 with the Spiritual Formation and Discipleship team. 

July 12th, 2017: I signed my apartment lease. 

You see, what I thought was three years of stagnancy was really just God preparing me for all the things He would have for me down the road. During those three years, God was listening, He was moving, and He was working… I just had to be faithful on my end and trust that He was working on my behalf in ways I could only see through the lens of faith. 

In just a few short months, God orchestrated everything to come together at the exact and perfect times that He intended for them to before the creation of the world. 

Now I am pretty much working my dream job. I work at one of the best churches I’ve ever been a part of. I get to help write and edit our curriculum for our groups. I get to use the gifts and talents that God has graciously given me for weekends like the one I just had at our Women’s Encounter. I get to see God move every single day in people’s lives. I mean, WHO AM I? Who am I that this gets to be my life? It absolutely amazes and humbles me. 

I say all of this to say that YES, waiting is hard. Seasons of stagnancy and “nothingness” are frustrating. It will cause you to question God and question the plans He has for you.

BUT, hang in there. Ephesians 3:20 boldly proclaims that God is ABLE to do far more ABUNDANTLY than all we could ask or think. 

If you are walking through a season like the one I went through, I want to encourage you to cling to the truths in the Bible like Ephesians 3:20 and preach the gospel to yourself, over and over again. Embrace the uncertainty, it’ll keep you on your knees before the Lord. Lean into the Lord during this season. And I mean really LEAN in with everything left in you, even if it’s not a whole lot. 

Because one day after going through this season, you’ll look back and say, “Ah, okay God. I see what you were doing there.” And you’ll be so thankful for it. 

Xoxo, AJ. 

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