“God Can’t Use Me, I’m Too Broken.”

Last week was rough. It was a series of bad days all strung together that resulted in all of my bottled up emotions exploding.

I’m not a crier. I don’t like to cry in front of people, not even my mom. So you could imagine her surprise when she asked me what was wrong and I completely lost it and started bawling. I just felt broken.

By definition, broken means having been fractured or damaged and no longer in working order.

And that was how I felt last week. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right, like I wasn’t useful in certain areas anymore. I lost sight of God’s sovereignty in my life and felt completely useless. I felt like God couldn’t use me.

But just as I started to feel broken, my sweet Jesus leaned in close and whispered a much needed reminder to my broken soul. He reminded me of the time He fed the 5,000 with just a few fish and a few pieces of bread.

If you grew up in church, then you know this story well. If you didn’t grow up in church, you have probably only heard this story a few times. But, whether you grew up in church or not, there might be a few key points to this story that you’ve never noticed before, because neither did I until last week.

So the story begins in Luke 9 with Jesus preaching to a large crowd for an entire day… I mean, I start getting hungry within the first hour of being at church so you can probably imagine these people were starving. So the 12 disciples went to Jesus and told him to send the crowd away to find food and a place to stay, and Jesus replied by telling them to feed the large crowd, which was actually a total of 20,000 people (the Bible only counted men when they say there were 5,000); a large task for just 12 normal men, but an easy task for the God-man Jesus. The disciples followed Jesus’ directions and split the people up into groups of 50. Then Jesus took the loaves and the fish and looked up to Heaven, He blessed them, and then He broke them. In verse 17, it says that everyone ate and was satisfied. There were exactly 12 baskets of leftover pieces.

You’re probably wondering how Jesus feeding 20,000 people and feeling broken go together… Well, prepare to be encouraged and have your mind blown.

There are three things that amaze me about this story:

1. There were exactly 12 baskets left over, one for each of the 12 disciples.
This shows me that God is faithful and always provides. He provided with the exact amount, nonetheless.

2. Jesus not only multiplied the food, but also the baskets that the food was in.
This shows me that God not only cares about the big things, but the little things as well.

And here’s the zinger.

3. The Bible says that the leftovers were broken pieces. Meaning Jesus used broken pieces to satisfy thousands.
This shows me that God can use me, even when I feel too broken. The Bible also said that Jesus had to break the pieces before He could use them.

So this is what I want to show you:

You, my friend, are not (and you never will be) too broken to be used by God. Even when you feel completely broken and useless, God can and will still use you. In fact, sometimes He breaks us first before He uses us, just like he did with the fish and bread.

One of my favorite bloggers, Jordan Lee, always says, “Your brokenness is welcome here,” and I want you to know that goes for this little space that we call Discovering Her Soul Purpose as well. You and all of your brokenness is welcome and wanted here, because whether you can see it or not, Ashtyn and I are broken just like you. So take our hands and lets chase after the heart of our Father together.

Anna Jo

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