Loneliness does this thing where it creeps into every area of my thoughts and it captures my attention so completely and effortlessly. A feeling sometimes so subtle, yet so tangible, that I can hardly focus on the tasks before me. A feeling that tells me I will never find someone, that I will be forever alone, that nobody cares. A feeling that tries to trick me into thinking that texting that ex will help, that snapchatting that boy for a minute would ease the ever so heavy burden that we know as singleness.
Have you ever been there? Can you relate?
Singleness can be a struggle, y’all.
Some days it’s a piece of cake. Some days it is easy to manage and handle. Some days I feel like I am better off single for the time being. Some days I am convinced that God wouldn’t have me wait, unless He thought it was absolutely best for me to do so.
Other days it’s a heavy weight on my heart. Other days it reminds me of my insecurities and tries to mask the pain with fleshly things. Other days it’s a devil on my shoulder that tries to fill the void with everything but the solution.
The solution, you ask?
Jumping from boy to boy?
What about a husband?
No, sweet girl. None of those things can fill the hole in your heart that you’re feeling.
The solution is something much greater.
The other night, loneliness took over my heart. Causing me to question God and wonder if I would ever find someone to spend the rest of my life with. The loneliness felt so tangibly real and raw that I had to stop what I was doing and get my Bible.
I had worship music already playing in the background and I opened up my Bible to Acts 3, as I was following my church’s weekly reading plan. As I read the words aloud, the feelings of loneliness were suffocated by the presence of my Savior. As I read verse 20, it came to life for me in a way that it never had before.
“… times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord…”
You see, the solution to the loneliness that we feel isn’t in a boyfriend, harmless flirting, or even a husband… Jesus is, and will always be, the solution.
At just the time that I felt like I needed it the most, the presence of my sweet Jesus refreshed my soul and took over the stings of loneliness that I had been feeling. And as I finished reading that verse, I paused to simply thank the Lord for His love, only to realize that the song playing in the background was ‘Reckless Love’ by Cory Asbury. If you’ve never heard this song, I highly encourage you to go listen to it.
I had always viewed Valentine’s Day as a day dedicated to looking down on myself for not having someone special to spend it with, until someone helped me change my perspective. Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love, so why would I spend it looking down at my boyfriend-less situation, when I could be looking up to the One who literally loves me so much that He died for me?
This Valentine’s Day, I am vowing to celebrate the best Love I’ve ever known. A Love that moves mountains. A Love that makes all things new. A Love that constantly pursues, even when we continuously fall short.
I want to encourage you this Valentine’s Day to focus on celebrating that Love with me. And if you’ve never experienced that Love, then please get in contact with me, I’d love to tell you all about it. *But just a heads up, once you accept that Love, your life will be forever changed.*
(Email me at [email protected] or DM on my Instagram @annajobaker.)
I know that singleness has its challenges and it’s a daily battle to fight against loneliness, so I reached out to some amazing God-fearing women who have already walked through that season. Here is their advice when it comes to walking through the season of singleness:
- It’s worth the wait. It’s better to be single and lonely now rather than married and lonely later.
- Waiting on the Lord is never wasted time. Be content where you are and learn to “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)
- Spend your time wisely while you wait. In the meantime, learn to cook, clean, do laundry, keep a clean house, live on a budget, and then think about doing all of this for two and then more! Enjoy where God has you and learn to be content in this season of life.
- God has a plan and purpose. His way is best. It’s as simple as that.
- Do not let your singleness dictate your identity. Jesus is the one and only thing that defines you.
- Keep praying for your future husband. If God has put that desire in your heart to be a wife, then keep praying and asking Him for the man He made for you. If you believe in the God that can move mountains, split seas, and who created Heaven and Earth, then you believe in a God who is not bound by anything!
- Being single is a unique opportunity to serve God and pour into others, invest in friends, and build a career. “When I was single I had the time to do these things. As a wife (and now mama) my priorities have changed.”
- Build your career! “This is the time for you to put time into your career. Volunteer for extra duties, stay late, go the extra mile. You have the time to do it now! You’ll earn the respect of your colleagues and higher-ups. Then, when you are married and have kids, you won’t have to spend the extra time doing those things because you already did! You’ll already be trusted and respected and won’t need to spend as much time earning those things, because you did the hard work when you were single!
- The biggest thing I would say is to build your tribe! Invest in your girlfriends. Be purposeful to spend time with them. Do a book club together, Bible Study, weekly coffee dates, slumber parties, and travel (to as many places as you possibly can!). This is the only time in your life you will be able to fully devote to your girlfriends and build lasting friendships. Once you’re married you’ll be so glad you have your tribe! When your husband annoys you, you can complain to them. When you have babies and need a sitter, they’ll be there. Your babies will be born with built-in best friends and multiple sets of “parents” because you spent time in your singleness building your tribe!
- “The key to ANY season of life is the fruit of self-control… self-control in our minds and our feelings. If I don’t take the first step to let God renew my mind and feelings every evening (or morning) I allow my flesh, to take control of my spirit and feelings. It’s ok when we feel our emotions rising with anticipation for a man to woo us. The longing for companionship and love is highly treasured by God, not even angels feel as deeply like humans do… But it is not ok when we let feelings get in the way of our oneness with God, the creator of our deepest longings for true love. To act upon the thoughts and feelings the enemy tries to plant in our minds, that is where destruction begins. Yahshua is a jealous God, and even in marriage, if we do not practice self-control and balance, He will remove the obstacles to get our eyes and ears to Him.”
I hope that this encourages you, I know their advice encouraged me!
I also hope you know that you are treasured by your Creator, and He loves you with a love that surpasses all others. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, girl, so let’s live like it.
Happy Valentine’s Day!