Over the past few months, God has slowly but surely been revealing some things in me that aren’t super great or attractive — namely, perfectionism.
I’ve never considered myself to be a perfectionist — until my mom graciously called me out on it a few weeks ago.
And I immediately got defensive about it. What? Me? I’m not a perfectionist? No way.
But lo and behold, my mom was right.
Ps. If you ever immediately get defensive about something, you should probably re-examine whatever that is…
It was actually the grace of God in my life that my mom saw those traits in me and lovingly called me out on them. After this, I started to notice a lot of perfectionist tendencies that I had — they just looked a little different than the typical perfectionistic traits.
One of the biggest things God revealed to me was my need to have it all together — or at least to make it look like I did.
Sometimes that looked like always wearing makeup, or always having the right outfit on, or always doing the right thing, or always completing my to do list on time, or always posting the right Instagram picture and caption (ouch).
When I was on a mission trip in Jamaica a few weeks ago, God continued to wreck me of these tendencies. Specifically the need to always wear makeup.
This has always been an insecurity for me. I’ve always been the girl who has to wear makeup whenever I go out of the house — even if that means just running errands. I’ve always envied the girls who look absolutely stunningggg without makeup and I’ve always low-key hoped that I would be comfortable enough to go without makeup whenever I wanted to.
The struggle with this has always stemmed from a place of fearing what others thought about me, paired equally with the fear of not being “good enough” — whatever that really means.
So during my week-long stay in the beautiful country of Jamaica, I went without makeup.
SAY WHAT? I know, I was slightly terrified.
Every single day, I woke up and fought the need to put on makeup. And every single day, I won the battle (only through Jesus and His strength being made perfect in my weakness) and went without it.
(To all the mommas: don’t you worry, I still wore sunscreen.)
That week, God wrecked my heart in the very best way and broke chains I didn’t even realize I had been dragging around for my entire life.
It’s exhausting to feel like you have to have it all together all of the time. It’s exhausting to always wear makeup or feel like you have to look a certain way in order to win the approval of others. And it’s exhausting to try so hard to reach a level of perfection that literally doesn’t exist on this side of heaven.
The thing is, the older I get, the more I realize that none of that actually matters. No one really cares whether or not I wear makeup but me… So then, being comfortable in my own skin isn’t anyone else’s issue but my own. And if God is pleased with me just as I am, then I should be too.
There is SO much freedom in letting go of those things that you feel like you “have to do… or else ____.” There is freedom in knowing that God is pleased with me just as I am because He made me! And there is freedom in letting go of the need to gain the approval from others.
So here’s to being confident and comfortable the way God has made me, If I truly believe that “His works are wonderful” then my actions should prove it!
Who’s with me?
A fresh-faced AJ.